This is your life

pictures

2009-10-04T12:10:00.013-04:00

046

2009-06-28T14:11:00.012-04:00

i finally bought a house - went through the inspection today - here are a few pics:

045

2009-03-23T20:15:00.001-04:00

as it seems, i made it in the gothamist at the morrissey show at the bowery ballroom. see the article here.

044

2009-03-02T13:27:00.003-05:00

forgot to blog this a few weeks back, but thursday and morrissey dropped new albums which are both of par and should be heard. i'll also be attending the thursday show this wed at nokia theatre, and of course, the moz at the bowery ballroom at the end of the month.

also, take a listen to the new asobi seksu album 'hush' and the new appleseed cast album 'sagaramtha' that came out a few weeks back as well.

043

2009-02-13T19:18:00.001-05:00

got my bidding papers from my agent to place on the house i'm interested in buying up in fairfield. wish me luck. i want it bad.

042

2009-01-31T18:04:00.002-05:00

if it all amounts to anything at all, then you must realize the heart i have for my dearest heather, who is celebrating her 28th birthday today. she keeps my head afloat during infinite days of floods. she offers me the warmth of her unconditional love. for that and millions of other things, i write here to wish her the happiest birthday.

i love you always pook. you are my prized possession. happy birthday.

041

2009-01-24T09:23:00.002-05:00

bad dreams continue.

we were overage at an underage party and someone started a fire and burned her house down. and there she was, the rich girl in her rich car, holding someone else's hand, watching her rich house burn down without even a mere look at me. i was blamed for starting the fire and i began my reconciliation but all i could see was her face, with disgust - the look that she wouldn't ever smile for me again. it was the end.

040

2009-01-22T18:05:00.002-05:00

so much is forgotten and doesn't need to be remembered.

minneapolis is dreary in the winter - people continue to wear christmas sweaters after christmas. got through two chapters of my new morrissey book on the plane and it doesn't seem to be appealing with me. oh well, i still love you morrissey.

039

2009-01-17T09:48:00.003-05:00

you know i'll call you eventually when I wanna talk.
till then you're invisible.

reaching new heights is incredible. a new house, new friends & an anti-social pen-pal flirt, a mohawk, new travels, new tattoos; it's all here or coming.

2009 prediction: best year of my life.

038

2009-01-10T12:21:00.001-05:00

nothing's changed, i still love you,
i still love you...

yes, i just paid $275 for a morrissey ticket at the bowery ballroom in march. totttttally worth it.

anyone else going?

037

2009-01-03T23:03:00.000-05:00

happy new year beautiful - things will be better this year; promise.

036

2008-12-30T21:16:00.002-05:00

smooth got me this book for christmas. obviously, i love morrissey to death, but i don't feel that compelled to read it. but i will for the sheer reason that if you've ever seen a morrissey interview, you may have witnessed a manic circus ring-leader; he's utterly fascinating. although, i'd much rather be reading my second copy of 'who's afraid of virginia woolf?' i guess that's what i get for letting my ex-girlfriend borrow it.

sigggggggh.

035

2008-12-29T11:51:00.002-05:00

sick in solace.

haven't a satisfactory thing to do for new years eve. i guess it's overrated anyway, as everyone says; everyone who doesn't have anything good to do or anyone to spend it with.

ohh, pity me.

034

2008-12-24T16:17:00.003-05:00

sharp as a whistle

happy holidays.

033

2008-12-06T17:14:00.002-05:00

i'm walking in a fresh white v-neck t-shirt on the hills of san francisco in 70 degree weather. beautiful women - hipsters in bright colors and boots, smiling ear to ear are brushing my shoulder on the sidewalks. i smile back. a music store - a haven of the people who understand this art even better than i do, with piles of vinyl and cd's spend waking minutes breathing it in. i inhale and exhale and spend over two hours there. and so i think.

new york city is in the mid 20's today. i think of it and think i've picked a great time to be on the west coast. then i think about going back home and it doesn't sit well.

new york city sleeps on me. i have to move to san francisco to save my life.

032

2008-12-01T15:18:00.001-05:00

had a dream last night i had a serious uni-brow that needed serious pluckage. yes, this is my life.

leaving for san fran on thursday so if anyone is in town, please let me know.

031

2008-11-20T16:02:00.003-05:00

haven't written a lick in a long time so i figured i would post a little hoo ha for the probable two people that read this son-of-a-blog.

anyway, i've become quite the cocky fuck these days and i like it. don't care for much of people, happy doing what i do while i watch people beg for my attention.

regardless, i'm heading up to cape cod for five days for thanksgiving with my dearest heather and family to do nothing but sit around, read, watch movies, listen to music, masturbate in the shower probably and sleep. if i get internet connection up there i will upload the extremely late october mix tape and prepare for novembers cause music has been so hottttttt lately.

till then...

030

2008-11-05T09:33:00.001-05:00

i cannot be prouder to be an american today. after 8 repressive years under what has seemed to feel like a tyranny, a change has finally come.

thank you america - thank you barack obama, and congratulations!

029

2008-10-29T15:40:00.003-04:00

so i clearly didn't dress up for my companies halloween party, but i decided that it would be okay to have some fun with some of my co-workers - see above.

who would've guessed dressing up as a toilet could be so much fun!

028

2008-10-21T12:47:00.001-04:00

my first article is finally up on stories in high fidelity. check it out here.

027

2008-10-20T16:24:00.004-04:00

i was brought to a startling reality this morning during my weekly therapy session; that i may be unable to accept the love of another woman. figuring out why is the key to moving forward in life and settling with someone who truly loves me.

my icon to the right is obviously a broken heart robot, a thing of no feeling, which almost feels like what i've become; a robot with a broken heart. i've complained for years of the heart break i've been through, which seemed like a never ending drag for the last six straight years and it has truly shaped me for the good and the bad. till i finally met two woman who i love to the deep core of my heart and have thrown themselves on the tracks for me and i've pushed them both away to only hurt myself.

i don't know what to do with this situation. i've started to think that i'm going to be alone forever because of how terrified i am of love, which is probably just a deep-routed hurt from something from my past or the last seven years.

not afraid, just scared.

026

2008-10-19T12:34:00.001-04:00

had the best birthday in years - i have amazing friends - decided to get drunk for the first time in months and made heather take care of me all day yesterday.

025

2008-10-12T16:45:00.007-04:00

i spent the entirety of last weekend with heather and am planning on spending this whole weekend with her too. i forgot what it was like wasting all my time with her. so glad to have it all back.

happy birthday to you big boy - die young and save yourself.

024

2008-10-09T13:42:00.002-04:00

i'll be writing music journalism pieces for stories in high fidelity starting very soon. working on my first article as we speak. if any of you read the blog product shop, then you'll be fans of this; by the same people.

btw, check out my hot chip jacket-find for 20 bucks at tj maxx.

023

2008-10-06T20:31:00.004-04:00

i have a music blog, wishing a coma, which i haven't updated in about a year. what i normally did was post my monthly mix tapes which were usually about 50 songs, many for download. for this blog, though, i will slim it down to 20 and hopefully most of them you should be able to download. enjoy.

1. Brand New - aloC acoC
2. Brooke Waggoner - Heal for the Honey
3. Brooke Waggoner - Come Love, See My Hands
4. Caribou - Melody Day
5. Circa Survive - The Most Dangerous Commercials
6. Crystal Antlers - A Thousand Eyes
7. Five O'Clock Heroes - New York Chinese Laundry
8. Jessica Lea Mayfield - You've Won Me Over
9. Josh Rouse - Winter in the Hamptons
10. Josh Rouse - Princess on the Porch
11. Look Mexico - You're Not Afraid of the Dark, Are You?
12. Memory Cassette - Asleep At The Party
13. Memory Cassette - Ghost in the Boombox
14. Northstar - Two Zero Two
15. Parenthetical Girls - A Song For Ellie Greenwich
16. Pete Yorn - American Blues Volume 1.
17. The Rosebuds - Life Like
18. Straylight Run - We'll Never Leave Again
19. Trifonic - Sooner or Later
20. United Nations - Say Goodbye To General Figment Of The USS Imagination

022

2008-10-04T19:17:00.002-04:00

spent the day in nyc with smooth just walking around downtown to meet his friend. ate at this place that only served rice pudding, watched a bike polo game with dudes wearing dresses and saw live eel in china town.

kinda spent - looking forward to amy's birthday party though.

021

2008-10-01T09:17:00.002-04:00

it was all a dream, but i was so effected i had to take some loranzapam before i left my house for work this morning. i think it's so funny that as soon as i think i'm over it, i go right back under with a slip. so happy to go back to therapy this friday after a month off.

nightmares on top of nightmares. your unconscious rules you.

020

2008-09-30T14:28:00.002-04:00

i woke up with a lot more pain. my nose was bleeding throughout the morning but has managed to stop. was going to attempt to make it back to the gym today, but i don't think it's such a good idea.

i think it's time to sleep forever

019

2008-09-29T22:44:00.003-04:00

i spent saturday night with jen and her friends celebrating one of their birthdays. a long night for the both of us; we got back in around 6:30 in the morning. now jen's sick and i'm falling asleep at work. i'll probably be playing catch up for the next few days. it was worth it though.

the bailout was botched. for once, i feel proud of our senate for taking a stand against government and corporate greed. america, be patient, we will be bailed out in the right way soon.

018

2008-09-26T09:39:00.003-04:00

the nightmares continue for the fourth night in a row & this weather is making me extra miserable and i'm in a considerate amount of pain.

017

2008-09-24T16:06:00.003-04:00

a heart throb and a crush.

through execution and thorough research on everything they say and everything
you've heard
from anyone that's heard the name
but,
without any viable sign-up into any networking websites
it's nearly impossible to know what they really mean
even if they tell you cause you know it's really just a lie
even if you believe it to be true.

called it a night and fell asleep at 10. nose bled till today and still is. probably shouldn't have gone to work out.

016

2008-09-23T10:54:00.004-04:00

it was in a dream, i saw you. running through rooms on tip toes, each with its own bathroom; the house, as long as the entire street. and then it was my house, where i saw you running. i picked up a card on the side of the road her mom had written to someone to throw me back a step and we went inside my room with my nephew, who lay between us in my bed like the berlin wall. all i wanted to do was touch you, but we left instead.

finally fully recovering from my surgery, though i think i'm still passing a lot of the drugs through my system. feels strange to breathe for the first time and to see a normalness in the way i look.

015

2008-09-21T23:28:00.002-04:00

tomorrow morning the surgeon is removing the gauze pads from my nose. looking forward to it since i'm in serious pain. i think one of the gauze pads is in my nasal passage behind my right nostril. it's so sensitive; like cold wind blowing through a hole in the back of your head. anyway, i just took 3 oxycodine so i can hopefully sleep through the night.

a long day of work tomorrow; a long week of work.

014

2008-09-18T17:44:00.002-04:00

i'm in a immense amount of pain - the pain killers aren't doing shit. they gave me morphine and perks at the hospital which didn't do anything. now i'm on oxycodine and still nothing. it's bearable i guess. i'm more concerned about how i'm going to sleep tonight.

send me love.

013

2008-09-16T21:20:00.001-04:00

a day away from my surgery. it's really starting to kick in now - starting to get very nervous.

wish me luck.

012

2008-09-13T12:31:00.004-04:00

i swear jen and i did not plan to wear the same outfit. strangely, she wore goulashes (no proof, sorry) that matched my sneaks. we looked fresh to death, trust me.

i'm biting her arm btw.

lovin those waves...

011

2008-09-09T16:39:00.002-04:00

make a wish

010

2008-09-08T21:08:00.001-04:00

if you haven't watched zeitgeist, the independent documentary, please do. i watched half of it in one sitting at work. i was shook and still am.

009

2008-09-05T09:53:00.003-04:00

the up-and-coming, long-awaited release by thursday/glassjaw/converge side project 'united nations' is finally on it's way out and can be heard here in its entirety. many of you that still love the post hardcore new jersey scene before screamo really hit the streets will dig this album. i truly cannot stop listening to it. i can't wait to see these guys in show.

in another note, brooke waggoner's new album 'heal for the honey' which can be heard in its entirety here is a cute & dark pop piano blitz. you smile, you cry, you smile, you smile, and cry yourself to sleep.

008

2008-08-31T15:33:00.002-04:00

smooth can really be a fag sometimes.

tried doing lunges this morning to even out my lower body to match my massive upper body sausages. pictures of sausages to come.

007

2008-08-30T12:49:00.003-04:00

i ran into my ex-girlfriends mom last night at this restaurant/bar around town. it def has made me the most sad person ever. i can't even begin to tell you how sad i am; how much i miss her and her family. i smiled though, i really did. i know she doesn't read this blog, but if she did, i would want her to know that she's deeply missed.

check my flickr for wedding pictures.

006

2008-08-29T19:11:00.003-04:00

mother fucking cock-sucker, it happened again. i went to draw blood for my surgery next month and nearly fell flat on the floor from fainting. everything was white and i was seconds away from yacking. i started looking for a sink. the nurse kept asking me if i should lay down and i couldn't do anything but stick in my fingers in my eyes and stomp my foot on the floor. so she brought me a glass of water and i layed down for 2 minutes and i was fine. i am still a puss though, better believe it.

before i fell asleep last night, nick & i were busy watching those 'true life' documentaries on mtv; one in particular about being a professional surfer in hawaii. so then i went to bed and started having these dreams about surfing (along with some other weird shit like turtles) and being nasty after catching one wussy wave. i bet you on the dl i would be kind of fresh at surfing though. next time i head out to the best coast i'm going to hit that surf.

sike.

i had the day off today and didn't do shit. doesn't look like i'll have anything else to do for the rest of the weekend either, so call or stop by and eat gold fish.

005

2008-08-28T15:30:00.004-04:00

i can't concentrate for shit at work this entire week. you better believe that. wonder if it's the labor day weekend starting. i have an extra day, since we get friday off too. four days to sit around and do shit. it could be my excessive partying habits these last few days as well. i've taken one night to just relax and that was monday. you believe it kids?

my rents are coming back from italy this saturday and i'm clearly not pumped about it - oh well, in one ear and out the other.

broken heart robot and that other thing look like they're holding hands, don't they?

i'm clearly the most fucking lame person on earth. rad.

004

2008-08-25T21:04:00.002-04:00

you literally can buy a lunch from trader joe's for under $5.00. i don't know why i find that so compelling, but i do. and not only that, it's healthy for you.

anyway, i don't have much to say. been on this flat line all day which is keeping my mania at check and i totally don't mind it. could be my hypnotist. could be living at nicks. either way, it feels good.

can you figure out who is in that picture?

003

2008-08-24T20:46:00.004-04:00

ball'z wedding was pretty amazing, in contrary to my over-bearing negative attitude going into the day with my full beard and my missing tie. my shoes worked, my beard worked and i had a ridiculous time. i think the rest of the invites would say so too. i met a lot of amazing people & i danced till i was soaked through - just so happy at the outcome of the whole event. unfortunately, i have no pictures of it because i don't have a camera, just my blackberry. and i shaved my beard; it was killing me this morning.

all in all, my heart goes to ballz and megan and their future together. i love you both.

002

2008-08-23T10:35:00.003-04:00

think i'm growing a beard. will def have it for ballz' wedding today. will let you know if i decide to shave it tomorrow but it was def working for me the last few nights.

my shoes look really retarded with my suit. i'll post a pictures so you can judge for yourself. not really looking forward to tonight but fuck it. post pictures later.

001

2008-08-22T18:35:00.002-04:00

trying to get back into this. easier said than done.

took my last summer day off from work today and didn't do dick but go to therapy and get my oil changed on my car. trying to sell that piece of shit btw, if anyone is looking (not that it is actually a piece of shit, i just want to get rid of it). ill post pictures of it later so no one will offer a bid. was supposed to get blood work for my surgery next month but i guess i will do that next friday since i have another day off.

nicks house is desolate when your in it alone, but it's so dank. been there for 3 days now. we watched the usa basketball team suck against venezuela but pull off a win regardless. we both agree that carmello anthony is garbage, although he was 18 for 18 from the line. looking forward to a final blowout.

been gettin jack deeze at the gym if you haven't seen me lately i'm a fucking house, shredded and all. bringing back the old body and the old ways.

need to get a camera, all i have is my blackberry. i guess it will do for now. you can check out my flickr page here with some pictures i've had stored on my computer for ages now.

tomorrow is ballz' wedding. can't believe he's the first. bought these ridiculous shoes to go with my suit. going to try them on now to see if they actually go or not.

2008-08-20T22:37:00.000-04:00

you are here

Random shit

2006-04-24T17:11:00.000-04:00

Solid & Smooth go to Buffalo

2006-04-08T20:08:00.000-04:00

disclaimer

2005-11-17T13:45:00.000-05:00

I want to send a little note out about the memoir I wrote. It is a fictional memoir. The events are fictional, the characters are fictional, the names are fictional. So, my appolgies to anyone with assumptions. It was a class project and i'm proud to gloat that I got an A on it.

I'm glad the majority of you loved the story. But from now on, for personal reasons, if you want to read any of my stories, just ask me personally and ill gladly show you. I'm going to keep this blog mainly about what i love, music.

My Morning Jacket - Z

2005-11-15T11:17:00.000-05:00

The new My Morning Jacket album "Z' is phenomenal. The buzz surrounding it has been swirling for a while now, but after listening to their previous album I wasn't convinced. But "Z" is something else. My Morning Jacket has been called in as the American Radiohead, though I don't find many similar attributes in the two bands. "Z" definitely has some southern feeling, a lot of classic rock flavor (which I normally don't like), and songs that sound like they were made by the Beach Boys. But I think it's the way the guitars are used and distorted. It's the way the vocals are somewhat distant that add to the mystique of this album. There are mainly high points, but their is sadness in there too. It's got a lot of everything. But it is mindblowing and for sure one of the best albums of the year. Listen to "Dondante" which is purely amazing. I haven't been able to stop listening to it.

This is my memoir about nothing

2005-11-14T22:51:00.000-05:00

This is my memoir about nothing

Night
The curve right after exit 31 going northbound looks like the best place to crash my car. When I pass it I think I could end it all right now. The steering wheel shakes when I accelerate around the sharp turn. But I’m not worried. Nope, not one bit. I’m too much of a flirt to let go; too pussy to give in. Even as leftover hurricane showers blanket the black tar at the end of the night. Even as Eddie Vedder hallelujah’s “I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life, I know you’ll be a star in somebody else’s sky, but why can’t it be mine?” have been the soundtrack of my life since I was eleven. And even as the anti-depressant tranquillizers fill me up, and the anti-anxiety buffers wrap around my nerves, I don’t worry; I don’t.

It’s almost nine and I take the curve as I always do. It keeps raining. Eddie is still screaming. My pills are dissolved and almost gone. But I keep driving. I’m going to my house where I live with my parents. I don’t speak to them much. I mostly ask them if there’s any food or if I have mail. Then I just walk up the staircase made for people under six feet, ducking my head to keep from smashing into the ceiling. I don’t care, really. It’s been like that since I’ve been here.

My room is the last one on the right. I close the door behind me – I always keep my door closed – and throw my bag on the recliner. There is a mirror behind my door but it’s only waist high. I drop to my knees to see myself. I un-button my pink Abercrombie button-down and throw it off my shoulders. I untwist my catholic scapular that hangs around my neck and I hand-comb my hair. I stare down my model physique, my pouting lips, inhaling and flexing, re-positioning my body to show the best angle off the light. I am a good looking kid, I think. My quarter-size tattoo of a black dove peaks above the elastic lining of my plaid boxers. I want to get fresh ink done. I want to get Edwardian script in black under my right arm, on my ribs. It’s gonna say “Mercy Misses You.” Yea, I think that would look sick. I bet it’s gonna hurt like fuck though, so I don’t know if I’ll get it. I exhale and stand up.

My jeans have so many holes in them in all the wrong places, my dick could fall out at any moment. I slide them off and leave them on the floor for tomorrow. My ankle socks lay right next to them. My watch keeps time off my wrist now, ticking on my desk, weighting down a wedding invitation and a few credit card bills. My cell-phone sleeps silent and empty on the window banister in its charger. I turn on the music and slither back into the skin of my unmade bed, kept cool from an early autumn wind blowing through my open window. I shut it. I turn on the TV and flip to the game – Chargers, Chiefs - I turn on my laptop; this is how it usually goes.

I set my alarm for my therapy appointment tomorrow. My therapist thinks the biggest problem I have is that I’m disconnected from my family. She wants me to talk to my parents about it, but having a conversation with my parents is like trying to detangle a knot that only gets knotted, tighter and tighter, over and over. No finger space, not even a midget with the smallest knitting needle fingers could untangle it.

“What if you talk to your sisters about it? Do you think you could talk to them?” She once asked me.
“Them more than my parents” I said.

My laptop reboots, the screen reflecting the frown on my face. I’ve heard frowning causes more wrinkles than smiling. I’m not sure if that’s true.

My sister sent me an email regarding my cousin’s bachelor stag: 60 bucks a head, down at Fios. It starts at 6:45 on Thursday. Go with dad so he will pay for you. I didn’t even know about it. I won’t go, especially if they aren’t getting strippers. I hit the reply button to both my sisters:

Hey guys. Just tell Danny that I can’t make the stag on Thursday because I’m gonna be at school all day. I’m sure he’ll understand. But I wanted to tell you guys something else. And Sue, I know you already know this, but Lu doesn’t. I’ve been seeing a therapist for about four months now, one right in Norwalk. And we’ve been talking and she thinks that I’m disconnected from you guys and dad, but mostly mom. And I don’t know what it all means, but I’m very depressed and bitter and it’s making me really distracted. I think I’ve been depressed at least half my life, but you guys knew that already from the last time I saw a doctor. Well, I’ve relapsed again. I should also tell you that I am taking Effexor, which is an anti-depressant. I even have anti-anxiety meds that I can take when I need to. I’ve been taking them for a little over three months now. My doctor thinks I also might need to start taking Ritalin for adult A.D.D. I don’t know. Sometimes I’m not even sure if the medicine or the therapy is working, but I’m too afraid to stop. I think I need more help, actually. Maybe a psychiatrist or something. But my insurance won’t cover it and I can’t afford it. Mom and dad both don’t know about any of this, so please, keep it between us.

I minimize the email, pulling up a video of a 40 year-old woman fucking two twin brothers that look about my age that I downloaded. Her husband videotapes, directing two other men snapping pictures of her. “We’re real swingers, honey!” he laughs while his wife gets double-stuffed by two dudes half his fucking age. “I love you baby!” she yells back. I lower the volume on the T.V. I lower my boxers down to my ankles. I fast-forward to my favorite part where she is laying naked on the bed. Her skin looks her age - sun-damaged and leathery. Her red hair with split ends - all brittle and broken – has the bangs women wore in the 90’s. Her beauty is undeniable though. She was probably hot in her teens. Her legs are spread. Her huge breast’s sag in symmetry. I grab for my ankle sock on the floor and come inside of it.

My phone never hesitates, not even once. It doesn’t bother me at all, honestly. It beeps because it’s charged. I throw my sock back on the floor and x out the video. I pull my boxers back up and flip the covers over me. They have cats on them, black and white ones with big kiss marks on their cheeks. I don’t know where my mother found them. Maybe I should be embarrassed but I’m not. I just don’t care. I pull the email up again, backspacing over everything except for the part about not being able to make it to the stag, and send it. The Chargers are kicking the shit out of the Chiefs. I turn off the T.V. I fold my laptop in half. I turn off the light. I lay face first, my head cemented in my pillow and my hands half-asleep; the blood cut from the weight of my chest. Through my stereo speakers, the lullaby’s of someone’s train-wreck past feeds me like turkey after Thanksgiving dinner. Sleep calms the falsetto of my pain.

Day
There’s about fifteen seconds in the morning when you wake up where you don’t feel a single thing. My cell phone alarm cries. My eyelids peal open from the morning guck. A small beam of sunlight leaks through the beige blinds. I lay in unison with the air conditioner duct. My lips stretched to my ears. It hits me like a bird shitting on your head; your friends scrambling to tell you it’s good luck when it really isn’t. The fifteen seconds are over. Like water collapsing a dam, pain rushes from my brain through my veins, biting at the heels of my nerves, caking everything in its path. My swollen endorphins bounce out of control. My lips fall back into place. And so starts another day.

The music still plays in rotation from my mp3 player through my stereo speakers. I raise the volume. I piss with the door open. I flush the toilet. It hasn’t been cleaned in weeks. I slide open the desk drawer and brush a few receipts over to the side that covers up two bottles of medicine. I put the pills in my hand, tightening my fist. Upstairs in the kitchen, I pour myself a bowl of cereal. Downstairs sounds of ruckus: kids screaming and crying, Italian accents, pots clanking and water running. I make out with the pills. They go down politely.

There isn’t a single missed call or voicemail on my cell phone. Nothing. I put it on vibrate and slip it into the pocket of my hole-y jeans. I pull on a grey Abercrombie v-neck and I pack my life into my bag. Downstairs my mother has made me a few lunches for the day: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fruit, cookies and juice boxes. I’m twenty-three years old.
My basement looks like a nursery school. A children’s video thumps from the T.V speakers. Coloring books and crayons scattered across the floor. Toys flood the carpet like a sea of plastic.

“When will you be home?” my mothers asked, spoon feeding my nephew.
“I’m not sure. I will see you later.” I pull out a sneaker from under the table. I find the other one behind the long blinds of the door. I slip them on, get my keys and leave.

My car whines from a near empty tank. I push it to the interstate getting off in Norwalk. Weeds grow from out of the cracked pavement of my therapist’s office, which looks more like a two-story house, blending in with the others on the dead end street. The dirty shingles match the peeling paint on the front door. I enter, delicately closing it behind me. The waiting room is the size of a stand-in closet. Psychology Today and Money line the tiny coffee table. A radio chirps of birds and rushing water, camouflaging the secrets in the next room. The bathroom sounds of constant flushing too, though no one is using it. I sit and wait my turn.

“Come on in.” Nancy holds the knob to the flimsy barricade, motioning me to enter. The room is hot and sticky. The air conditioner grinds away, pumping out enough cold air to fill a fish bowl. The stale stench of old lingers in the air. Dust rises from the couch when I sit, repositioning the pillows to my long back. The brown, wooden walls remind me of my basement when I was four years old.

“How are you doing?” I ask, as if I truly gave a fuck. “Good, thanks. How have things been since the last time I saw you?” She was always hesitant to ask since I had switched my appointments to every two weeks rather than every one. She was losing confidence too, if the therapy was working or not.
“Okay I guess. I saw my doctor yesterday.”
“Oh, did you? What did he say?” My doctor had been keeping in touch with her to make sure we were all on the same page with my medication.
“He thinks I might have adult A.D.D. He wants me to read this book first to see if I think I really need medication. He gave me numbers of some doctors that can run a few tests on me if I really think so. Otherwise, he is gonna up the dose on my medication.” But I’m sure she already knew that.
“What’s the book called, Driven to Distraction?”
“Yea, that’s the one.” Lucky guess.
“So, what else has been going on?” She knew I didn’t care so much about this A.D.D shit.
“I wrote Lauren a letter today.”
“Did you? Do you miss her still?” I could see her looking at me as I stared at my sneakers; my multi-colored laces were tangled in knots. I crossed my leg so I could fix them.
“Yea, I miss her a lot.” I said with an uncomfortable half-smile.
“I bet you do. What did the letter say?” I’ve had the letter written in my head for almost three months now, but I waited to send it to her.
“Well, I wanted her to know that I don’t hate her and that I miss her and I’ve been thinking about her.”
“Uh huh.” She scribbled in her notepad.
“I let her know that I was hoping she had mended things with her ex-boyfriend and that she was finally happy, because that would make me really happy.” I un-crossed my legs, planting my feet on the floor.
“Would that make you happy if she was happy again with her ex-boyfriend?” My mouth went suddenly dry. The air conditioner grinded, pushing the rats to spin the wheel faster.
“No, not really. But I want her to be happy. That’s all.” It was true. I felt selfish for complaining about being unhappy when I knew how unhappy she was.
“But what about your happiness. Doesn’t that matter anymore?”
“Of course it does, but I want her to be happy too. At church, I pray to God that he takes care of her before he does me. When I leave, I light candles for her, not me. And I know she’ll think what a mistake, he was a great kid, he really did love me.” My eyes swelled, glossy like the surface of a newly printed photograph, fresh from the printing press. She didn’t have to come into my life, but she did. I was better then, I swear.
“And what will happen when she answers back?” Nancy knew I had been doing my best to avoid her and that meant not going downtown, not looking at pictures, not calling her, not saying her name; nothing.
“I left a p.s at the bottom that said ‘It would probably be best if you didn’t respond. I know you’ll understand.’” I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.

Moths fly out of my empty wallet when I hand her the co-pay and schedule another appointment in two weeks. I thanked her and left for school. I pass the walk-in closet, the toilet still flushing in the vacant bathroom, the paint still chipping away on the door, the sunlight showering the dirty shingles. My car gnarled at me this time when I turned the ignition. I got back on the interstate, taking the connector to the parkway. I blasted the music to drown out my stirring thoughts. I pass exit 31 southbound.

I’m so unhappy. I live in pain. So, if on the way home tonight when I come up to the curve right after exit 31 northbound, I decide to crash my car, it would be all right. I could be all right.

Check it

2005-11-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

Everyone should go pick up a copy of the new Rolling Stone issue with Bille Joe Armstrong from Green Day on the cover. A huge portion of the issue talks about the real danger of global warming. Please read it and get informed. It also talks about My Space.com and how it is the 3rd highest internet website now and how it is used to break musicians into the industry and soley music oriented. So all of you that thought it was some sketchy website, maybe, but music was always it's number one priority.

I had a chance last night to watch the movie "24 Hour Party People" about the industrialization of Manchester, England because of its music scene which started in the late 70's. It gives a great background on the legend and one of my idols, Ian Curtis and his band Joy Division. It's hard to watch and very complex, but if it's in your gut, then give it a try.

another one bites it

2005-11-10T10:25:00.000-05:00

Go visit Jamie and let him know we're sorry.

Try not to post miserably pal, leave that for me.

Shitty

2005-11-09T11:16:00.000-05:00

Nov 8th, 2005
4:06: Seriously this dudd was takin a shit in the BRoom, I culd smell it down the hall, i was gagging.

Nov 9th, 2005
10:17: I just tried wiping my ass normally and I couldn't

Nov 9th, 2005
10:19: LOL i bet you got shit all over yourself

Nov 9th, 2005
10:19: Almost on my back

Nov 9th, 2005
10:20: Gross

CD's nuts

2005-11-09T10:03:00.000-05:00

Here are some new CD's I bought. You should check them out. The Wolf Parade has been raved as the next Arcade Fire. I'm not so sure, but def. worth a spin. Listen to "Dinner Bells." This Bloc Party CD has been out for probably over a year now. I remember not being that impressed when it came out, but I seemed to have changed my mind. Listen to "Like Eating Glass." The Broken Social Scene have about 14 people in their band. Nuts. Anyway, this here, isn't there latest CD, but the one before it. Strange, but not bad. Listen to "Lovers Spit."

What reminds me of you...

2005-11-07T11:46:00.000-05:00

These are just a few:

The color purple and yellow remind me of you,
Coldplay reminds me of you,
Diners remind me of you,
Sex and the City reminds me of you,
Quincy reminds me of you,
Restaurants remind me of you,
Beauty reminds me of you,
Apple reminds me of you,
Genuine reminds me of you,
Ambition reminds me of you,
Candles remind me of you,
Jewelry reminds me of you,
Democrats remind me of you,
Warmth reminds me of you,
Bright reminds me of you,
Wine reminds me of you,
New York City reminds me of you,
Friendship reminds me of you,
Vermont reminds me of you,
Love reminds me of you,
Style reminds me of you,
Care reminds me of you,
The Daily Show reminds me of you,
Coffee, black reminds me of you,
"Canoodle" reminds me of you,
City Limits reminds me of you.

I can't forget you, so if you want me too then help me.

In Costume

2005-11-06T20:05:00.000-05:00

In Costume
(With apologies to Dorothy Parker)

A usually empty warehouse right off the New Rochelle coast trumpeted with life; light beams strobed out the windows, reflecting off the water and the empty dock (inside off the masked characters). Costumed personas, liquored to capacity, concealing something from everyone all for a good time to celebrate “All Hallows Eve” a week and a half before it dawns, twisted to the Monster Mash. A pretty anti-Halloween-ite – as some called her – dressed in a mere set of bunny ears with a bunny tail, just to play along. Her friends were dressed head to toe.

“I absolutely adore your costume,” she said. “How did you ever manage such a splendid idea like that? If you look around the room dear, everyone is wearing the same thing. Now, how did you ever become so clever to come up with that outfit?”

“It was hardly a thing,” her friend said. “It took me all but two minutes.”

“Now dear, how do you stay so humble?” She said. “It’s pretty obvious that your costume is by far the best. I’d be absolutely surprised love, if they didn’t nominate you number one this evening. Just terribly stunned.”

“You think so?” Her friend said.

“Why dear, I understand the lights are pretty bright in here,” she said, “and the music is exceptionally loud tonight, but you don’t need to be the smartest to see your costume is just darling. Have the men been swooning over you yet dear? Now, I’d imagine they have by now. I couldn’t imagine why they haven’t so.”

“No, not really,” her friend said “but I can’t tell what many of them look like, now with their costumes and all.”

“Well dear, it’s only a matter of time now,” she said. “Keep smiling because at any second darling, they’ll be hounding you like vultures on a carcass; like flies on a steak, love. Especially when they see you’ve got the best costume. I can’t see why they wouldn’t.”

“Well thanks,” her friend said, “I think your costume is just darling too.”

"Oh, please, these old rags?” She laughed. “I’m not much for these party things anyhow. My darling ‘ole husband, now he wouldn’t even come. Do you believe that dear? Why, I’m surprised I even came here alone! Simply out of respect for the Johnson’s, you hear. And to find lil ‘ole you a nice gentleman. And this is most certainly the place for that. Don’t you think so dear?”

“Now that’s quite alright,” her friend said, “I don’t even know an-“

“Now you delicate thing, don’t you hush me.” She said, “We are gonna find you somebody tonight. Absolutely! You see that man over near the band with the phantom mask on? You see him don’t you love? Well I noticed him from the moment I walked into this place, darling. He is just so handsome and I’m sure through that mask dear, he is a beautiful man. I just think he’s a little shy, that’s all. Not once tonight have I seen him talking to any woman. Not once, dear.”

“Not once?” Her friend said, “But I don’t kno-”

“Now, did you just see that dear?” She said, “Well, he just nodded right at you; directly at you dear. He’s saying he’s interested. How terrible it would be if you didn’t go dear. Now I think it be best you’d walk right over there and you let him know you want to swing. You know how to swing now, don’t you darling?”

“Of course, but-

“Now dear,” she said, “miss ‘most stunning costume of the night,’ you walk on over there and you show him you can swing! I’ll simply have a ball watching you two swing away, dear. I’d be just smitten. And don’t you worry about lil ‘ole me. Not one second. I’ll have me a drink and just watch you two. Now you go on, before I change my mind!”

She watched her friend gallantly take to the floor towards the phantom near the band. The ice cubes in her drink nearly swallowed up the last of her gin.

“Pardon me sir,” she said, now at the bar, “could you fill me up some gin.”

“Of course ma’am.” The colored man said, “How is your evening going thus far, may I ask?”

“Well, it is quite kind of you to ask, now.” She said, “But I’m not much for celebrating ‘All Hallows Eve,’ I just never was. And

I’m sure you can tell by my costume now, that I just don’t care.”

“I think you look lovely tonight ma’am.” The colored man said.

“Now you are a kind soul, aren’t you?” She said “You see my friend, the woman I was just conversing with, over there swinging with that man, now? You do see her don’t you?”

“Of course, ma’am.” The colored man said, “Beautiful woman, ma’am.”

“She is, aint she?” She said, “But you do see that man now don’t you? The man she is swinging with. The man hiding behind that phantom mask.”

“Certainly, ma’am.” The colored man said.

“Would you believe it,” she said, “that man, that just awful man right there swinging with my friend. Now, could you ever believe that he is my husband, trying to hide his face right behind that mask? Could you ever believe that?”

“He’s your husband ma’am?” The colored man said.

“He most certainly is!” She said, “Every ‘All Hallows Eve’ he does this act. He tells me he aint coming to the party, now. And do you believe this? Every year, he just picks up some random lady and walks right on home with her, while lil ‘ole me just sits around chumming with the crowd. Now, can you believe that? Right in front of my face, as if I would have no idea, now. I tell you sir, my husband, that man hiding right behind that phantom mask, the one swinging with my friend right near the band, he is a cheater, he is a two-timing terrible man, you hear!”

“I’m sorry ma’am.” The colored man said.

“No, no, no!” She said, “Don’t you be sorry! You just do your job sir, and fill me up another gin!”

A story I wrote as similar to Dorothy Parkers writing style as I could.

Help

2005-11-04T15:16:00.000-05:00

That very special someone, the one I talk about all the time, the one I miss more than anything in the world, sent me this link to True Majority

Check it out, get informed and sign up.

you are someone else, i am still right here

2005-11-04T01:53:00.000-05:00

I had the amazing opportunity tonight to witness one of the greatest artists in the world perform his art; none other than Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails at MSG, 20 feet away. But I'm not here to review the performance, no. I'm not here to talk about the opening bands - Queens of Stone Age and Death From Above 1979 - either. I am not. But I was blown away enough to be inspired from Trent and his work to write this entry.

Trent sings out to a sea of thousands, "You can have it all, my empire of dirt." The irony of course being that almost every single person in MSG would trade places with him in seconds. His genius, the one secreting out to a crowd of descendants, is worth more than I can count. But the "dirt" heard and seen, is what everyone has in common with this man; how we all relate to him. The pain you can hear in his voice, his lyrics that puncture fatally, and the sounds that expose an innate suffering, ring all too familiar, especially to me. Maybe that's why I praise this man. Maybe that's why I cry when I hear his voice over a single piano while he sings "hurt." And as amazing as everyone thinks Trent is, he probably feels he'd trade it all for something else; something to rid the real hurt. Me too.

I am slowly dying. And I'm not scared to admit it, no I'm not. I'm not scared to tell you I'd trade everything for this pain, this hurt, this heart break, this loneliness, this misery to just go away. God, what I would do. Maybe, to rewind back when I wasn't able to put her name with her face. Before she was a beautiful excuse for my emptiness. I miss her - I miss you.

Now she walks a life I'm no longer a part of. Now I walk a life she never knew she had the power to collapse. Naive, she might have been, and still I'll never regret her and I'd serve myself up to her again if I had the chance; for a few more moments of disgusting pleasure for this pain. Believe it. My breathes serve worthless otherwise. They are worthless now.

But I don't want you all to have pity on me. No, you shouldn't. I am the martyr for everything you hold back: for every chance you should've took, for every life you leave, for all your cover-ups, for your pretend at ignoring this hell, for your fucking bottled up hurt - that's all me. THIS IS YOUR LIFE; that is the name of this blog. It's a metaphor for YOUR LIFE. This is YOUR reflection and I am YOUR pain and hurt and suffering you hide. Read me suffer and die, just make sure you can leave a selfish comment at the bottom. And like people think of Trent, I am sure one of you is thinking my "empire of dirt" is something more, something of worth. But I'll have you know it's not and there's only one person I can think of that can make me feel like something. So I'll walk.

I hate to admit it, but I truly don't give a fuck about anybody except for her and me, of course. Because I'm selfish like that. I don't care if you don't like me and if you read this blog just to get kicks on my misery. Wish me the best or wish me the worst, you can still walk prouder than me. I promise.

And just as this post is horribly inappropriate for posting, these lyrics by Trent are crucially appropriate to make this post just that much more ridiculous:

SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE
I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore

You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make it all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart

Come on tell me
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make it all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have

In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be

Come on tell me
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have

- Let me sleep and swell in bitterness now. Goodnight.

Fuck Walmart

2005-11-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

Check out a trailer of the new Walmart video that is out now on DVD. It exposes the white collar corporate monsters truth.

please help

2005-10-30T00:16:00.000-04:00

i saw your picture by mistake and i can't believe how much that hurt...

200 Nights

2005-10-28T14:59:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well

2005-10-24T15:04:00.000-04:00

Newseek has just published an article that goes into detail on how VP Cheney and his co-horts have been operating in office. I think it's very important that people know what's really going on in there. Please check it out at the following link and pass it along to your friends:

We got dooped!

EE Cummings

2005-10-23T17:02:00.000-04:00

This poem reminds me of you...

29
If i have made, my lady, intricate
imperfect various things chiefly which wrong
your eyes (frailer than most deep dreams are frail)
songs less firm than your body's whitest song
upon my mind-if i have failed to snare
the glance too shy-if through my singing slips
the very skillful strangeness of your smile
the keen primeval silence of your hair

-let the world say "his most wise music
stole nothing from death"-

you only will create
(who are so perfectly alive) my shame:
lady through whose profound and fragile lips
the sweet smell clumsy feet of April came

into the ragged meadow of my soul.

yoooo

2005-10-22T19:08:00.000-04:00

Yo Biz...

Plans

2005-10-20T13:37:00.000-04:00

I went to see Death Cab For Cutie last night at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City. I have no pictures to prove it because they wouldn't let any cameras in. But I will say this, they put on one spectacular show. As much as I hate Hammerstein, Death Cab was able to get me out of that mood. They sound almost as they do on record, which I find to be amazing, esspecially since they are only a four peice; No backround muscians, just them. It was hot inside Hammerstein, but the chills I got from the music froze me up really quick. They did play my two favorite songs during the encore - Tiny Vessels and Transatlanticsm. What I didn't like was how Death Cabs new "big" label has them pushing the new record which meant playing mainly new songs. Thats bullshit. Anyway, it did get me back into concert mode and I wanna go see some shows. But shows where there are people throwing each other and moshing and pushing and crowd surfing. I hate standing up to watch an awesome band with no energy, no harm to Death Cab, of course. My legs and neck are a little stiff.

thanks

2005-10-18T21:30:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to thank everybody for the birthday wishes.
So, thanks.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

2005-10-17T00:17:00.000-04:00

It is 12:15 on October 17th. It is my birthday. I've never been more sad in my entire life.

I don't want birthday wishes. I don't want to drink. I will just loath in this and another year alone.
This is my life.

Envy the rain, I doubt it

2005-10-14T19:12:00.000-04:00

Stole this quote from Jamie's blog. I love it.

"The intellectual is the worst thing there is. He invents things and then he believes them. He decides the novel is dead but then he finds a novel and says he discovered it. If you say the novel is dead, it is not the novel. It is you who are dead." Gabriel Garcia Ma¡rquez from an interview with William Kennedy

I was supposed to drive up to Buffalo tonight to see my god himself, Matthew Good, play. But the rain which hasn't stopped in over a week has kept me from the 5 1/2 hour trip. I'll have to wait a while till I can die.

Stephen Dunn

2005-10-13T13:08:00.000-04:00

Here is some poetry by Stephen Dunn:

Desire:
I remember how it use to be
at noon, springtime, the city streets
full of office workers like myself
let loose from the cold
glass buildings on Park and Lex,
the dull swaddling of winter cast off,
almost everyone wanting
everyone else. It was amazing
how most of us contained ourselves,
bringing desire back up
to the office where it existed anyway,
quiet, like a good engine.
I'd linger a bit
with the receptionist,
knock on someone else's open door,
ease myself, by increments,
into the seriousness they paid me for.
Desire was everywhere those years,
so enormous it couldn't be reduced
one person at a time.
I don't remember when it was,
though closer to now than then,
I walked the streets desireless,
my eyes fixed on destination alone.
The beautiful person across from me
on the bus or train
looked like effort, work.
I translate her into pain.
For months I had the clarity
the cynical survive with,
their world so safely small.
Today, walking 57th toward 3rd,
it's all come back,
the interesting, the various,
the conjured life suggested by a glance.
I praise how the body heals itself.
I praise how, finally, it never learns.

In the house:
I am attracted by the dust
and silence of an upper shelf,
the strange air

that causes linoleum
to bulge in the cellar.
I know the walls come to hug

like grizzlies
if you stare at them too long,
and the kitchen knife

wants to be held.
I sense the aromas of sex,
the delicate, stale drift

of arguments and spite
no amount of cleaning will solve.
I know when love goes

it slips through all insulation,
forgets your name,
becomes sky.

Those of us who think we know:
Those of us who think we know
the same secrets
are silent together most of the time,
for us there is eloquence
in desire, and for a while
when in love and exhausted
it's enough to nod like shy horses
and come together
in a quiet ceremony of tongues

it's in disappointment we look for words
to convince us
the spaces between stars are nothing
to worry about,
it's when those secrets burst
in that emptiness between our hearts
and the lumps in our throats.
And the words we find are always insufficient, like love,
though they are often lovely
and all we have

Emily Dickinson - 165, Again

2005-10-12T13:17:00.000-04:00

So I guess I fucked up pretty badly on my test. I got to revise it with my teacher and do it over. Here again, is the poem and the right inturpritation.

165
A Wounded Deer -- leaps highest --
I've heard the Hunter tell --
'Tis but the Ecstasy of death --
And then the Brake is still!

The Smitten Rock that gushes!
The trampled Steel that springs!
A Cheek is always redder
Just where the Hectic stings!

Mirth is the Mail of Anguish
In which it Cautious Arm,
Lest anybody spy the blood
And "you're hurt" exclaim!

The speaker uses a wounded deer as a metaphor in this poem. The deer, when it gets fatally shot, “leaps highest” because of “the extasy of death.” It knows it’s going to die and lets out its final gasp of life. Just like a chicken with its head cut off that runs around, gasping for life, and then comes to a stop, the deer falls and “the brake is still.”

The speaker shows three more examples of the metaphor in nature in the second stanza. “The smitten rock that gushes” refers to a stone. When it is “smitten,” for example, by a jackhammer or a sledgehammer, it “gushes” sort-of exploding; pieces of its shrapnel go everywhere. In the next line the speaker uses “trampled steel” as another example. A piece of steel that is laid out, when hit hard enough can “spring” back into its original shape. And the final example, the speaker uses a cheek of someone who has a fever. Usually, when we are sick, our complexion is pale and bland, but here “the cheek is always redder.” The speaker gives these three examples that back up the metaphor of the deer in the first stanza. But the metaphor of the deer seems to refer only to nature.

The third stanza talks about human pain. The first line “mirth is the mail of anguish,” translates into the unconscious and uncomfortable laughter used by people as a cover-up and as a shield for pain when our walls are up. In the second line, the writer puts up his “cautious arm” or armor, as protection of his emotions. The first two lines sport the façade of happiness, when in fact the person is suffering an immense deal of pain. The third line states “lest anybody spy the blood” referring to the concealed emotion. Unlike in nature and with animals, us humans are able to hide our emotion – pain and heartbreak – and cover it up with laughter and happiness, which is not real at all. Rather than blurting out “you’re hurt,” we repress our true feelings and keep them on the inside.

This last stanza can really refer to heartbreak because after you get hurt, you wonder, “how could I have been so stupid to let my guard down?” and you say you’ll never let it happen to you again. That’s when your guard comes up and repression of the pain happens. And because the pain of heartbreak is so excruciating, it is hard to let other people into your heart because you are so afraid of being hurt again. What this does, in turn, is it shuts out other people from getting into your heart, but it also keeps you lonely. So in a sense, it’s like a double-edged sword, because you’re in pain from heartbreak, but you’re also in pain from being lonely. This poem could also be the repression of heartbreak by the speaker.

This poem could also show the speaker, who is trying to penetrate the heart of the broken hearted - to find some kind of explanation for why they can’t be heard by them. They want to tell them “hey, I know your pain and I know what you’re going through, but I will not hurt you.” It shows their frustration because they feel could love the person only if they would open their heart back up.

Cool

2005-10-11T18:32:00.000-04:00

I kept my mustache for 3 seconds just so I could take this picture:

Black

2005-10-05T22:56:00.000-04:00

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life

I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky

But why can't it be mine?"

Black - Pearl Jam

My blog sux dick, pass it on

2005-10-04T12:06:00.000-04:00

NADA SURF - POPULAR - HI/LOW

Three important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don't make a big production
Don't make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you've gone together for only a short time,
And haven't been too serious,
There's still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she prefers the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you're honest and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he'll appreciate the kind of straight foward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends

I'm head of the class
I'm popular
I'm a quarter back
I'm popular
My mom says I'm a catch
I'm popular
I'm never last picked
I got a cheerleader chick

Being attractive is the most important thing there is
If you wanna catch the biggest fish in your pond
You have to be as attractive as possible
Make sure to keep your hair spotless and clean
Wash it at least every two weeks
Once every two weeks
And if you see Jonnie football hero in the hall
Tell him he played a great game
Tell him you liked his article in the newspaper

I'm the party star
I'm popular
I've got my own car
I'm popular
I'll never get caught
I'm popular
I make football bets
I'm a teachers pet.

I propose we support a one month limit on going steady
I think It will keep people more able to deal with weird situations
And get to know more people
I think if you're ready to go out with Jonnie
Now's the time to tell him about your one month limit
He won't mind he'll apreciate your fresh look on dating
And once you've dated someone else you can date him again
I'm sure he'll like it
Everyone will appreciate it
Your so novel, what a good idea
You can keep your time to your self
You don't need date insurance
You can go out with whoever you want to
Every boy, every boy, in the whole world could be yours
If you'll just listen to my plan
THE TEENAGE GUIDE TO POPULARITY!

I'm head of the class I'm popular
I'm a quarter back I'm popular
My mom says I'm a catch I'm popular
I'm never last picked
I got a cheerleader chick

I'm the party star
I'm popular
I've got my own car
I'm popular
I'll never get caught
I'm popular
I'm a teachers pet.
I make football bets

Post Secret

2005-10-02T13:51:00.000-04:00

Don't forget to check Post Secret every Sunday.

Emily Dickinson 165

2005-09-28T21:06:00.000-04:00

165
A Wounded Deer -- leaps highest --
I've heard the Hunter tell --
'Tis but the Ecstasy of death --
And then the Brake is still!

The Smitten Rock that gushes!
The trampled Steel that springs!
A Cheek is always redder
Just where the Hectic stings!

Mirth is the Mail of Anguish
In which it Cautious Arm,
Lest anybody spy the blood
And "you're hurt" exclaim!

- The speaker uses the hunter and the deer as a metaphor for love. "The hunter tells" that a wounded deer jumps higher than when not wounded, meaning they have been hurt before emotionally, and try to recover from the pain by rebounding into another relationship, thinking this is the cure all. Until they feel the rush of pain coming on again of what heart break feels like, they run and protect themselves in the "brake," shutting people out from their heart. She italicized "wounded" to symbolize being scared of heart break, and italicized "death" to symbolize heart break itself.

The second stanza goes to again show how sensitive your emotions are after you get your heart broke. When you are "smitten" from love and it's taken away from you (trampled steel), you're always more cautious (a cheek is always redder) and more sensitive where you feel the most pain - in your heart (just where the hectic stings!)

The third stanza again refers to protecting yourself from being hurt. The first line states that laughter - an unconscious and uncomfortable cover-up - is a shield for pain when your walls (cautious arms) are up. The third line says god forbid you let anybody back into your heart (spy the blood) and instead use "you're hurt" as an excuse for why you are scared of love.

After a heartbreak, you wonder "how could I have been so stupid to let my guard down?" and say you'll never let it happen to you again. And because the pain of heart break is so excruciating, it is hard to let other people into heart because you are so afraid of being hurt again. What this does, in turn, is it shuts out other people from getting into your heart, but it also keeps you lonely. So, in a sense, it's like a double edged sword because your in pain from heartbreak, but you're also in pain from being lonely.

This poem could also show the speaker, who is trying to penetrate the heart of the broken hearted. They want to tell them "Hey, I know your pain and I know what you're going through, but I will not hurt you." It shows their frustration because they feel they could love the person only if they would open their heart back up. -

I aced that fucker

I wish you knew

2005-09-26T21:58:00.000-04:00

you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt

I use to dream about the future, I use to dream about a lot of things

2005-09-25T02:27:00.000-04:00

Don't have my friends convince you that I'm alright; I'm not

Must have lost my mind when I lost your heart key

2005-09-24T16:04:00.000-04:00

Matthew Good is my god, he is my idol, and he is my life. I'm not a stalker, I'm not in love with him, but without him I think I'd be dead. He just released "In A Coma" a greatest hits combo, that includes a few new songs, his greatest hits, a bunch of old ones done acoustically, "Lo-Fi B-Sides," "Loser Anthems," and a DVD full of amazing shit. His words paralyze, his sounds hypnotise, his art should be priceless cause his mind is. His human rights activism, his beliefs, and his love is boundless and gorgeous. Get this before you don't know what you're missing.

Draft Beer, Not Soldiers

2005-09-23T13:49:00.000-04:00

There is a bus leaving today from campus taking anyone who wants to participate in a rally in Washington D.C to stop the "War in Iraq." unfortunately, I am unable to attend because I have a funeral tomorrow morning and the bus won't be back till tomorrow night. But I want to give my courageous thanks to everyone who is attending, especially my friend Kim, that hopefully their chants will make someone notice our needs.

Today I'm wearing my "Draft Beer, Not Soldiers" shirt. Lets see if I get threatened this time.

67

2005-09-21T21:24:00.000-04:00

I was once told by someone special that I didn't know what it was to be in love or what it was to love someone - meaning non-unconditionally - and that I just merely wanted to be with someone and liked the idea of being in love. I tried to explain how I knew it wasn't just the idea, but my thoughts were written off. Besides my pleading and the fact that my life has fallen apart since (I don't know what more proof I need), I was reading poem "67" by Emily Dickinson and it may explain it a little bit more thoroughly:

Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.

Not one of all the purple Host
Who took the Flag today
Can tell the definition
So clear of Victory

As he defeated -- dying --
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Burst agonized and clear!

Decipher that and it will explain why I wasn't just liking the idea of being in love.
See the pills, see my face, look into my eyes. It was all heart.

If you were here, we could up the dose

2005-09-20T12:22:00.000-04:00

The boys from Icelandia have come back for another serious mind-fucking. "Takk..." is exactly what I imagined it to be; a piercing dagger through my heart, tangling my emotions into some serious knots that I don't know how to un-tangle. They never seem to let me or anyone else down for that matter. The world knows why this band is the #1 export from Iceland, not Bjork. Sorry! They just played a few shows at the Radio City Music Hall in New York City and if you check out Brooklyn Veggies blog you can listen to some MP3's from it. Listen to "Seaglopur" and let me know how many times you cry.

Nada Surf have come a long way since their 1995 break out "High/Low" and actually sound nothing like they use to, which is a good thing. "The Weight is a Gift" shows an ever-maturing band that have really grown up. Their lyrics have moved positively rather than simply sad and "woah is me" type of stuff. But it still contains that melancholy flavor that was seen on the amazing "Let Go." I love this album more than the reviewers did. They will be playing two shows at the Bowery Ballroom in New York City at the end of September. Listen to "Your Legs Grow."

"Transatlanticism" proved to be such a break out hit for Death Cab that the big labels came rushing in. Their first major label debut "Plans" falls short of what they had on "Transatlanticism," but stays true to the Death Cab style; emotional lyrics and chords to make you think and move. This album shows less heart-break and more maturity which I always think could be the end to a good band, but they don't over-do it and definitely still show their roots. They will be playing two shows at the Hammerstein Ballroom Oct. 19th and 20th. Ill be at the show on the 19th. I've even got some extra tickets so let me know if you're interested. Listen to "Follow You Into The Dark."

It's been about six years since I first heard of these fresh-faced Canadian sisters, and since then they have matured to indie/emo icons on the fore-front of heart on your sleeve music. "So Jealous" offers simple and mainly acoustic tracks about confusion, loneliness, obsession, heart break, and what else, jealousy. It's by far their best record and a big jump from their last album "If It Was You." I love it. They will be playing a show in early October at Toads Place in New Haven, Connecticut. Listen to "So Jealous."

Fall Fest Weekend

2005-09-18T19:53:00.000-04:00

Who's gonna watch you die?

2005-09-17T15:25:00.000-04:00

Life is to short to not let someone into your heart.
Remember that the next time you shut someone out, because when you die, you're dead.

Love's watching someone die.

Crash

2005-09-16T00:03:00.000-04:00

A very special someone that I once knew told me about the movie CRASH and told me to see it because I would really like it. I never forgot that and just as soon as I found out it was out on video I rented it. I ditched the LEVY show tonight and watched it. I am at a complete loss for words. My emotions are so strung right now, i dont know how to handle them. I will just say it was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my life. I'm sorry, I don't think I can say anything else right now.

You Smell of Rotten Love

2005-09-15T11:28:00.000-04:00

LEVY is playing a CMJ aftershow at Piano's tonight in New York City. I'm ever so proud of these boys. I did an interview on them last year before the summer and learned that these guys were holding it down for artistic freedom and integrity. With nearly every record label breathing down their necks, salivating with greed and out for blood (and money, of course) the boys held their ground and just signed to a smaller label which has given them purity, rather than fame. That part will all come in due time. Other bands, take some notes. Let me also say that the boys are already number one on BBC in London. Tonight's show marks almost a year since I've seen them and I'm ready to get mind-fucked by their music. Their new CD "Rotten Love" is out now and a few dates in the States and in London are in full-effect. Come check them tonight if you can.

Here I am with them last year, faux-hawk, faux-glasses and all

Will have more pics of the show tonight.

Die Young And Save Yourself

2005-09-13T22:52:00.000-04:00

Dear Dan,

One time I was sleeping at your house and I waited until you were asleep and I teabagged you. This is not what you think it means. I did not put a tea bag in your bed so that you would wake up in your sleep and see it and think that you wanted tea in your sleep resulting in you getting out of bed to go make a cuppa' tea thinking that you wanted it when in fact you did not. This is not what I did. I put my testicles in your mouth. I did this not for any sort of sexual reasons. I do not swing that way. You know this. I certainly did not put my balls in your sweet mouth and mechanically release my sperm on your face with my hands while you moistened my scrotum with your saliva. That was not why I did it. No I did it for medical reasons. Let me explain. I had herpes and warts on my testicles and I left my soothing cream at home. So I needed to put them in your mouth. I was in agony! Understand, please, I was desperate. Now I do not want you to worry. I didn't get such diseases from sleeping with tens of hundreds of random slutty girls and whores. I am healthier than that. I got it from raping defenseless, drunk, passed out hobos in New York. Mostly black. I should have used protection but I thought if they were asleep, I wouldn't get anything. I was wrong.
Anyway, sorry.

Love,
Colton

Where is your real home/where do you come from?

2005-09-13T00:32:00.000-04:00

That was the question posed in my class tonight. This is what I wrote:

"I come from the veins of punk rock where I've drilled away at social distortion, pressing the ink that leaks from needles onto my skin, tattooing my heart on my sleeve, bleeding and bleeding but somehow, still beating; my mind embodying the mind of a 21st century emo boy, teary-eyed and all, fist-risen, pumping in anger, foggy and in slow motion from this past summers fling, writing fragments of torture and pain on paper napkins and matchbooks, left in jeans pockets to only blur away in washing machine pollution, down through a drain where I have no idea where it goes or where it ends."

I watched MEAN CREEK again for the 1 millionth time and it's still the best.

In other news: Go fuck yourself

You're never coming home

2005-09-10T19:35:00.000-04:00

Me: Are you on your lunch break?
her: Yea, I have to pick up some medicine for JP. Are you picking up something for your mom?
me: No, myself.
her: Oh.
me: I've gotta run to school now.
her: Oh really? What are you doing now?
me: I'm at graduate school at Manhattanville.
her: Get out? Good for you!
me: Thanks.
her: When do you graduate?
me: I can graduate in a year, but I think I'm transferring out.
her: Where to?
me: Probably some where else in New York. Maybe, Iowa.
her: Good for you. So, when are you getting married? I want to go to another wedding.
me: haha (nervous laughing) I don't even have a girlfriend.
her: You don't?
me: Nope.
her: Well then we are gonna have to find you a nice Italian girl.
me: haha (hysterical laughing) Yeaaaa right!

I have three fathers: My dad, God and Matthew Good. This is a little something he wrote today in his blog:

'Our entire way of life is built upon not only the convenient abuse of others, but our ability to convince ourselves that that isn't the case. Some claim that our entrepreneurship, our ambition, is what has thrust us into this stratosphere. Those would be prime examples of the sort of denial that has been required to ensure that despite the terrible means employed to attain greatness, we retain the ability to believe that we, personally, are somehow not responsible. And when confronted by it we all too often claim the subject too serious and employ juvenile tactics to spare us the indignity. The lifes too short to take things so seriously defense, if you will.

This shits not simple. Thats what makes it difficult to take on. It requires you to actually examine yourself, to entertain the notion that much of what you have been taught, or have come to believe in, is based not only on a mass corruption of the truth, but one that has perfected the facade of innocence. Ripping down the sky is an easier undertaking.

A cold beer will cure your aching head. Some tits and ass, some ribs, music so loud that talking to the person next to you at the library will be out of the question. Drive through pregnancies for all the urbanite party girls, new breasts, the perfect man, a flat stomach. DJs spinning at the Salvation Army, free downloads at the dentist, a billion tiny dogs for a billion Louis Vuittons.

Somewhere out there a woman has to walk a quarter mile to fetch clean water every morning. Can you imagine the look on her face were she to walk through the magically sliding doors of a suburban mega-grocery? The air conditioning softly slapping her in the face, mountains of fruits and vegetables that aren't even in season (but somehow still available) rising before her like gluttonous Himalayas. We assume that it would over joy her. We forget that while she is looking at the sheer magnitude of food piled up in all directions that she may very well be seething with rage because people like us, who have so much, would willingly let others who have nothing go without. But thats not whats written in the script. She is supposed to be happy, to thank us for bringing her to such an unimaginable paradise. We are supposed to embrace her while trying to hold back our tears at her overwhelmed reaction to such a spectacular sight.

Thats our very own trademarked brand of charity."

Ouch.

I'm dying in CT

2005-09-08T18:53:00.000-04:00

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
I try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear

You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
NINE INCH NAILS - HURT

Save me

blah

2005-09-08T00:51:00.000-04:00

If you haven't seen enough pictures of me being a jackass in Vermont, then please, click here. You have to sign up to view them though. Fucking gay. Thanks to Sam for these.

Vermont-it Like It's hot

2005-09-05T19:31:00.000-04:00

Thanks again to my piazon Smelly Danielly for guest blogging while I was away. I hope you all enjoyed her.

Vermont is beautiful. We went camping there. I just hate shitting in the woods

smelly danielly takes over the hizzle PART 3

2005-09-05T18:00:00.000-04:00

ahh...my last post of the weekend...and this time i came prepared...i remembered a story...something that happened to me at this exact time last year...

my boy at the time had a hot tub in his back porch and so i would leave a bathing suit there so when ever we felt like it we'd take a dip...it was sunday night and my brother was working late to dad said he would pick me up at like 1ish...BONUS...

so my boy and i ran to the liquor store and stock up...headed home and changed into proper attire...and took a dip in the hottness of the tub...

we are drinking our smirnoff and goofing around...but it was damn hot in the tub and i was dying of thirst...so i kept drinking it and drinking it...however that was just getting me more drunk and more thirsty...NOT a good comb...

so in the middle of hot tub passion we here the gate slam...dads home...and i start freakin out...so we hide the bottles and get ourselves assembled...hes acting cool and i am being retarted and his dad looks a bit embarassed...

the evening is pretty much shot so we pack up and head in...me still dying of thirst...so he hands me some orange juice...but its consentrate...i drink it anyways...even though i know its going to upset my stomach...

sit on the couch...watch some tv...and my stomach is starting to hurt...i run to the bathroom feeling vomitile...i figure if i make myself puke then i will feel better...so i try...and it doesn't work...

it gets worse and worse and im starting to get a headache and become dillusional...when is my dad going to pick me up??? it was like the longest wait of my life...

finally i get home and pass out on my bed...just to wake up 2 hours later killing in pain with the feeling of wanting to puke...but i can't puke...and when i do i still dont feel good...

this goes on all morning...mom wants to know why i am so

finally i take some drugs and by mid afternoon i am starting to feel better...i have no choice but to feel better because i have school the next day...

god damn that hot tub and alcohol...bad mixture i tell you...when your dehydrated dont drink more booze...get some water!!! i learned it the hard way... sick all of a sudden...but if i tell her why she'll flip...so i say i drank some juice and ate old pizza and it must have been bad...

smelly danielly takes over the hizzle PART 2

2005-09-04T18:49:00.000-04:00

hello all...i is back...

i'm thinking i should come up with a good story...but what should it be...

tis raining in good old burnaby...my cousin simon is sitting beside me as i write this and is giving me no inspiration...DAMN YOU SIMON...

right now i am in surrey...and for all of those who dont know it is dirty...OH CORRECTION...i am in port kells - aka dirty surrey - and yea...its dirty...

girls are kinda whory out here...all excpet my cousins of course...well...lol...no no

today we went driving for some ice cream and on three seperate streets and there were dirty clothes sprawled about...i was like...WTF...does surrey give away free clothing on the side of the street??? no need for back to school shopping, i just have to go for a walk and pick up what i find on the way...dear god surrey...

my cousins dont like to refer to where they live as surrey...they name all the 'suburbs' as their home town and not the actually city...

so when you come to vancouver dont go to surrey...unless you want drugs or dirty hookers...because then your right as rain...but if you prefer to stay clean your better off anywhere esle...

we also have a city that some people have named as 'squamptin'...the actual name is squamish but the people in it are dirty lam gangstas and have named it after comptin...yea...we have some bright people out here...THANK GOD i dont live here...

so when you come to visit give smelly a call and she will hook you up with good times...i promise...good time...

smelly out

smelly danielly takes over the hizzle PART 1

2005-09-03T17:12:00.000-04:00

ok smokie...so i have arrived...but i have no idea what to talk about...

im at my cousins house right now and im trying to think about something to wirte...i'll be more prepared tomorrow...

so i was very excited when the hotness that is nando asked me to guest post for him...ive never done this before so i was pretty excited...

now nando...i dont know much about him other then that hes italian and an ex-model but what i will say is that he is way sexy...now usually i dont like telling boys who are already super hot just how hot they are because then they get all cocky and crap and i HATE that with a passion...however n-to-the-ando looks like a sensible guy and so i think its safe to say that he is one hot mofo!!

killer...

i went to a pearl jam concert last night and it was frickin amazing...i was speachless by the end of it...they are so good and so down to earth...i bought a tshirt and my brother and i rocked it out...

i have been to a lot of concerts but i think the thing with this one was that not only was it really good music and the lead singer is so hot, but the music actually touched me...like i felt moved...however nerdy that sounds its true...

so im at my cousins camping out this weekend and right now we are both on computers right next to each other talking on msn for fun...we are such dorks...lol

we set up a tent in the back yard and hopefully it wont rain tonight...but even if it does the sound of the rain is always nice...

OK mental note for the next post...HAVE A POINT...

A Guest-blogger

2005-09-02T20:19:00.000-04:00

I will be out of town for the next few days so I'm leaving my blog in the hands of the beautiful Canadian/Italian herself, Smelly. Please be nice to her and leave lots of comments to show her how much we love her.

I'll be back with fun shit for everyone. Promise.

Don't judge

2005-09-01T11:42:00.000-04:00

This shit is gross. Read this and get disgusted.

Thanks to Px for this eye-opener.

A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

2005-08-30T18:02:00.000-04:00

I got this ish from Raymi's blog. I think it's fucking hysterical.