Falling Apart (be back soon)

Everyone knows I haven't been myself lately. I've been trying my best to fake it. But I guess it's obvious to see.
I was at work the other day and I guess now even the campers are starting to notice. One in particular, this 8 year old boy:

camper: Is there something troubling you?
me: there is something troubling me, yes. How can you tell?
camper: I just can. I can always tell when someone is troubled.
me: Well, you are right pal, I am definitely troubled.
camper: Would you like a rice krispee treat?
me: No thanks. I don't really have an appetite.
camper: Usually when I'm troubled, I'm starving, but I can't eat. I don't know why.
me: Hmm, well I'm the same.

I am going through some shit right now and I always have had a hard time dealing with stuff like this. Depression is a serious disease that not many people take into consideration as anything worth throwing themselves into. I get the usual "just get over it" or "have a drink, you'll feel better." It's really not that easy. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression for 3 years now, but I'm sure that I've been dealing with it for at least half my life.

I got my undergrad degree in Psychology and had planned to go into a clinical therapy of some sort. And through the years I've tackled depression and tried to understand how and why it was happening to me. Now the ignorant person will say that depressed people want to stay depressed. That's not true. It is more along the lines of a sad person wanting to be sad, because that makes them happy. They don't become depressed. I can understand if a depressed person does nothing about their problem, but you can't be on anti-depressants, zanax poppers and in therapy ALL BY CHOICE and be told that you want to stay depressed. That's fucking bull-shit. It's the depressed person who represses all their hurt through whatever the fuck they can pre-occupy it with; shopping, drinking, drugging; that type of shit, and does nothing but repress it, they just cover it up. Then its hidden for a while and pops up later so fucking hard that it becomes un-controllable, fucking up their lives and others close to them. That's the person who wants to stay depressed for the sheer fact of being in denial.

I want to be happy just as much as the next person. But I miss and am just as lonely as the next person too, maybe worse, but definitely not in denial about it. Sorry, I am human.