Die Young And Save Yourself

Dear Dan,

One time I was sleeping at your house and I waited until you were asleep and I teabagged you. This is not what you think it means. I did not put a tea bag in your bed so that you would wake up in your sleep and see it and think that you wanted tea in your sleep resulting in you getting out of bed to go make a cuppa' tea thinking that you wanted it when in fact you did not. This is not what I did. I put my testicles in your mouth. I did this not for any sort of sexual reasons. I do not swing that way. You know this. I certainly did not put my balls in your sweet mouth and mechanically release my sperm on your face with my hands while you moistened my scrotum with your saliva. That was not why I did it. No I did it for medical reasons. Let me explain. I had herpes and warts on my testicles and I left my soothing cream at home. So I needed to put them in your mouth. I was in agony! Understand, please, I was desperate. Now I do not want you to worry. I didn't get such diseases from sleeping with tens of hundreds of random slutty girls and whores. I am healthier than that. I got it from raping defenseless, drunk, passed out hobos in New York. Mostly black. I should have used protection but I thought if they were asleep, I wouldn't get anything. I was wrong.
Anyway, sorry.



Love,
Colton