Why the long face?

There is this time right when you wake up when, for about 15 seconds, there isn't a single worry in the entire world. It's as if your brain is rebooting itself. It feels so good, and then it hits you; the emptiness, the loneliness, it's still there.

I hadn't a thing to do today but think and swell in it all, to soak it all up. But I fell asleep about 3 times today and each time I woke up, I felt all right for a quick moment. Nevertheless, she is still missing and being missed. Nothing has changed.

I think you feel three heart changes in your life; the moment you meet her, the moment you fall in love with her, and the moment you say goodbye to her. The other times, you are just in moderation between stages. Maybe most of what I feel is mental rather than physical, but I will agree that there are times when your heart is in a changing sequence through physicality. Like when your holding her hand, when you smell her beautiful redolence, or when she looks up at you with the most beautiful hazel eyes you've ever seen and smiles and you think that everything seems alright and you know that the next plateau is coming; your falling. And I've kept this in mind every single day to try to keep myself in check, but love works in funny, unexplainable ways sometimes.

I long for my 15 carefree seconds.

It's very hard to talk about this but being vague is the best I can do.