Emily Dickinson 165

165
A Wounded Deer -- leaps highest --
I've heard the Hunter tell --
'Tis but the Ecstasy of death --
And then the Brake is still!

The Smitten Rock that gushes!
The trampled Steel that springs!
A Cheek is always redder
Just where the Hectic stings!

Mirth is the Mail of Anguish
In which it Cautious Arm,
Lest anybody spy the blood
And "you're hurt" exclaim!

- The speaker uses the hunter and the deer as a metaphor for love. "The hunter tells" that a wounded deer jumps higher than when not wounded, meaning they have been hurt before emotionally, and try to recover from the pain by rebounding into another relationship, thinking this is the cure all. Until they feel the rush of pain coming on again of what heart break feels like, they run and protect themselves in the "brake," shutting people out from their heart. She italicized "wounded" to symbolize being scared of heart break, and italicized "death" to symbolize heart break itself.

The second stanza goes to again show how sensitive your emotions are after you get your heart broke. When you are "smitten" from love and it's taken away from you (trampled steel), you're always more cautious (a cheek is always redder) and more sensitive where you feel the most pain - in your heart (just where the hectic stings!)

The third stanza again refers to protecting yourself from being hurt. The first line states that laughter - an unconscious and uncomfortable cover-up - is a shield for pain when your walls (cautious arms) are up. The third line says god forbid you let anybody back into your heart (spy the blood) and instead use "you're hurt" as an excuse for why you are scared of love.

After a heartbreak, you wonder "how could I have been so stupid to let my guard down?" and say you'll never let it happen to you again. And because the pain of heart break is so excruciating, it is hard to let other people into heart because you are so afraid of being hurt again. What this does, in turn, is it shuts out other people from getting into your heart, but it also keeps you lonely. So, in a sense, it's like a double edged sword because your in pain from heartbreak, but you're also in pain from being lonely.

This poem could also show the speaker, who is trying to penetrate the heart of the broken hearted. They want to tell them "Hey, I know your pain and I know what you're going through, but I will not hurt you." It shows their frustration because they feel they could love the person only if they would open their heart back up. -

I aced that fucker

I wish you knew

you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt
you don't hurt like I hurt - you don't hurt like I hurt

I use to dream about the future, I use to dream about a lot of things

Don't have my friends convince you that I'm alright; I'm not

Must have lost my mind when I lost your heart key

Matthew Good is my god, he is my idol, and he is my life. I'm not a stalker, I'm not in love with him, but without him I think I'd be dead. He just released "In A Coma" a greatest hits combo, that includes a few new songs, his greatest hits, a bunch of old ones done acoustically, "Lo-Fi B-Sides," "Loser Anthems," and a DVD full of amazing shit. His words paralyze, his sounds hypnotise, his art should be priceless cause his mind is. His human rights activism, his beliefs, and his love is boundless and gorgeous. Get this before you don't know what you're missing.

Draft Beer, Not Soldiers

There is a bus leaving today from campus taking anyone who wants to participate in a rally in Washington D.C to stop the "War in Iraq." unfortunately, I am unable to attend because I have a funeral tomorrow morning and the bus won't be back till tomorrow night. But I want to give my courageous thanks to everyone who is attending, especially my friend Kim, that hopefully their chants will make someone notice our needs.

Today I'm wearing my "Draft Beer, Not Soldiers" shirt. Lets see if I get threatened this time.

67

I was once told by someone special that I didn't know what it was to be in love or what it was to love someone - meaning non-unconditionally - and that I just merely wanted to be with someone and liked the idea of being in love. I tried to explain how I knew it wasn't just the idea, but my thoughts were written off. Besides my pleading and the fact that my life has fallen apart since (I don't know what more proof I need), I was reading poem "67" by Emily Dickinson and it may explain it a little bit more thoroughly:

Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.

Not one of all the purple Host
Who took the Flag today
Can tell the definition
So clear of Victory

As he defeated -- dying --
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Burst agonized and clear!


Decipher that and it will explain why I wasn't just liking the idea of being in love.
See the pills, see my face, look into my eyes. It was all heart.

If you were here, we could up the dose

The boys from Icelandia have come back for another serious mind-fucking. "Takk..." is exactly what I imagined it to be; a piercing dagger through my heart, tangling my emotions into some serious knots that I don't know how to un-tangle. They never seem to let me or anyone else down for that matter. The world knows why this band is the #1 export from Iceland, not Bjork. Sorry! They just played a few shows at the Radio City Music Hall in New York City and if you check out Brooklyn Veggies blog you can listen to some MP3's from it. Listen to "Seaglopur" and let me know how many times you cry.


Nada Surf have come a long way since their 1995 break out "High/Low" and actually sound nothing like they use to, which is a good thing. "The Weight is a Gift" shows an ever-maturing band that have really grown up. Their lyrics have moved positively rather than simply sad and "woah is me" type of stuff. But it still contains that melancholy flavor that was seen on the amazing "Let Go." I love this album more than the reviewers did. They will be playing two shows at the Bowery Ballroom in New York City at the end of September. Listen to "Your Legs Grow."


"Transatlanticism" proved to be such a break out hit for Death Cab that the big labels came rushing in. Their first major label debut "Plans" falls short of what they had on "Transatlanticism," but stays true to the Death Cab style; emotional lyrics and chords to make you think and move. This album shows less heart-break and more maturity which I always think could be the end to a good band, but they don't over-do it and definitely still show their roots. They will be playing two shows at the Hammerstein Ballroom Oct. 19th and 20th. Ill be at the show on the 19th. I've even got some extra tickets so let me know if you're interested. Listen to "Follow You Into The Dark."


It's been about six years since I first heard of these fresh-faced Canadian sisters, and since then they have matured to indie/emo icons on the fore-front of heart on your sleeve music. "So Jealous" offers simple and mainly acoustic tracks about confusion, loneliness, obsession, heart break, and what else, jealousy. It's by far their best record and a big jump from their last album "If It Was You." I love it. They will be playing a show in early October at Toads Place in New Haven, Connecticut. Listen to "So Jealous."

Fall Fest Weekend

Who's gonna watch you die?

Life is to short to not let someone into your heart.
Remember that the next time you shut someone out, because when you die, you're dead.


Love's watching someone die.

Crash

A very special someone that I once knew told me about the movie CRASH and told me to see it because I would really like it. I never forgot that and just as soon as I found out it was out on video I rented it. I ditched the LEVY show tonight and watched it. I am at a complete loss for words. My emotions are so strung right now, i dont know how to handle them. I will just say it was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my life. I'm sorry, I don't think I can say anything else right now.

You Smell of Rotten Love

LEVY is playing a CMJ aftershow at Piano's tonight in New York City. I'm ever so proud of these boys. I did an interview on them last year before the summer and learned that these guys were holding it down for artistic freedom and integrity. With nearly every record label breathing down their necks, salivating with greed and out for blood (and money, of course) the boys held their ground and just signed to a smaller label which has given them purity, rather than fame. That part will all come in due time. Other bands, take some notes. Let me also say that the boys are already number one on BBC in London. Tonight's show marks almost a year since I've seen them and I'm ready to get mind-fucked by their music. Their new CD "Rotten Love" is out now and a few dates in the States and in London are in full-effect. Come check them tonight if you can.

Here I am with them last year, faux-hawk, faux-glasses and all


Will have more pics of the show tonight.

Die Young And Save Yourself

Dear Dan,

One time I was sleeping at your house and I waited until you were asleep and I teabagged you. This is not what you think it means. I did not put a tea bag in your bed so that you would wake up in your sleep and see it and think that you wanted tea in your sleep resulting in you getting out of bed to go make a cuppa' tea thinking that you wanted it when in fact you did not. This is not what I did. I put my testicles in your mouth. I did this not for any sort of sexual reasons. I do not swing that way. You know this. I certainly did not put my balls in your sweet mouth and mechanically release my sperm on your face with my hands while you moistened my scrotum with your saliva. That was not why I did it. No I did it for medical reasons. Let me explain. I had herpes and warts on my testicles and I left my soothing cream at home. So I needed to put them in your mouth. I was in agony! Understand, please, I was desperate. Now I do not want you to worry. I didn't get such diseases from sleeping with tens of hundreds of random slutty girls and whores. I am healthier than that. I got it from raping defenseless, drunk, passed out hobos in New York. Mostly black. I should have used protection but I thought if they were asleep, I wouldn't get anything. I was wrong.
Anyway, sorry.



Love,
Colton

Where is your real home/where do you come from?

That was the question posed in my class tonight. This is what I wrote:

"I come from the veins of punk rock where I've drilled away at social distortion, pressing the ink that leaks from needles onto my skin, tattooing my heart on my sleeve, bleeding and bleeding but somehow, still beating; my mind embodying the mind of a 21st century emo boy, teary-eyed and all, fist-risen, pumping in anger, foggy and in slow motion from this past summers fling, writing fragments of torture and pain on paper napkins and matchbooks, left in jeans pockets to only blur away in washing machine pollution, down through a drain where I have no idea where it goes or where it ends."

I watched MEAN CREEK again for the 1 millionth time and it's still the best.

In other news: Go fuck yourself

You're never coming home

Me: Are you on your lunch break?
her: Yea, I have to pick up some medicine for JP. Are you picking up something for your mom?
me: No, myself.
her: Oh.
me: I've gotta run to school now.
her: Oh really? What are you doing now?
me: I'm at graduate school at Manhattanville.
her: Get out? Good for you!
me: Thanks.
her: When do you graduate?
me: I can graduate in a year, but I think I'm transferring out.
her: Where to?
me: Probably some where else in New York. Maybe, Iowa.
her: Good for you. So, when are you getting married? I want to go to another wedding.
me: haha (nervous laughing) I don't even have a girlfriend.
her: You don't?
me: Nope.
her: Well then we are gonna have to find you a nice Italian girl.
me: haha (hysterical laughing) Yeaaaa right!


I have three fathers: My dad, God and Matthew Good. This is a little something he wrote today in his blog:

'Our entire way of life is built upon not only the convenient abuse of others, but our ability to convince ourselves that that isn't the case. Some claim that our entrepreneurship, our ambition, is what has thrust us into this stratosphere. Those would be prime examples of the sort of denial that has been required to ensure that despite the terrible means employed to attain greatness, we retain the ability to believe that we, personally, are somehow not responsible. And when confronted by it we all too often claim the subject too serious and employ juvenile tactics to spare us the indignity. The lifes too short to take things so seriously defense, if you will.

This shits not simple. Thats what makes it difficult to take on. It requires you to actually examine yourself, to entertain the notion that much of what you have been taught, or have come to believe in, is based not only on a mass corruption of the truth, but one that has perfected the facade of innocence. Ripping down the sky is an easier undertaking.

A cold beer will cure your aching head. Some tits and ass, some ribs, music so loud that talking to the person next to you at the library will be out of the question. Drive through pregnancies for all the urbanite party girls, new breasts, the perfect man, a flat stomach. DJs spinning at the Salvation Army, free downloads at the dentist, a billion tiny dogs for a billion Louis Vuittons.

Somewhere out there a woman has to walk a quarter mile to fetch clean water every morning. Can you imagine the look on her face were she to walk through the magically sliding doors of a suburban mega-grocery? The air conditioning softly slapping her in the face, mountains of fruits and vegetables that aren't even in season (but somehow still available) rising before her like gluttonous Himalayas. We assume that it would over joy her. We forget that while she is looking at the sheer magnitude of food piled up in all directions that she may very well be seething with rage because people like us, who have so much, would willingly let others who have nothing go without. But thats not whats written in the script. She is supposed to be happy, to thank us for bringing her to such an unimaginable paradise. We are supposed to embrace her while trying to hold back our tears at her overwhelmed reaction to such a spectacular sight.

Thats our very own trademarked brand of charity."


Ouch.

I'm dying in CT

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
I try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear

You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
NINE INCH NAILS - HURT




Save me

blah

If you haven't seen enough pictures of me being a jackass in Vermont, then please, click here. You have to sign up to view them though. Fucking gay. Thanks to Sam for these.

Vermont-it Like It's hot

Thanks again to my piazon Smelly Danielly for guest blogging while I was away. I hope you all enjoyed her.

Vermont is beautiful. We went camping there. I just hate shitting in the woods